its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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