I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
