In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm too high and old for this...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
