The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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