There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
