If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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