Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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