I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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