I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
