does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
