Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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