I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
