i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
