Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im part way to drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
