Your mouth is God's brothel.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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