Got a toothbrush?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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