The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
