office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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