sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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