it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't deserve a penis
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
