why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
