He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
