Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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