i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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