TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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