Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
