i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
