apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The ass gains better be worth it
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