You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
