I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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