4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
