I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
