i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
