I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
