How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
