Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
