So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
