I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
where are you?
Hypothermia
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
