you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize