Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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