There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
