went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
