you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
