We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
