it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
