let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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