I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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