I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
