why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
