Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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