btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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