I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
