pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
