Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
