This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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