He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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