I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
