I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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