Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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