Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
