what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
