That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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