Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
