her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
