She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize