yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
