Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
