and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize