You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
