She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
